Goblin Glitter
by Virtuous Vampire
Summary: Our beloved Goblin King is kidnapped and held hostage by Twerds. Warning-contains theme of insanity.


**Hey guys more sexy men being tortured at the hands of Twilight! Hope you guys aren't getting sick of the bashing, I hope I'm not turning into a one trick pony!=)**

**All feedback is welcome aside for flames obviously!**

**Enjoy!**

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**Goblin Glitter**

There was an audible swishing noise as what appeared to be a common barn owl transformed into Jareth the Goblin King on entering a child's room via the open window. A predatory smile enhanced his godlike features, while at the same time making him appear more sinister. The smile wavered slightly in disappointment when he realised that the girl who had summoned him was absent.

He had been summoned over ten seconds ago by a frustrated babysitter- a girl of about thirteen judging by how shrill her scream had been. He had been looking forward to seeing her eyes widen in amazement on witnessing his entrance, to see her appreciating his GHD straightened hair, his mismatched eyes, his perfectly proportioned package and of course his giant balls. Crystals, giant crystals.

Breaking out of his reverie, he surveyed the room quickly. It was a baby's room alright. Brightly painted walls, all manner of toys strewn across the floor and an occupied cot on the far side of the room.

Normally the goblins themselves would have abducted the baby under his orders while he taunted the guardian but he had recently discovered that it was even more devastating for the minder to see him take the child. And he loved squeezing that extra ounce of misery from a human.

The child was wrapped snugly in a blanket, only it's outline visible. He was surprised that the child had ceased howling. Usually they continued wailing until they were in his arms and he could sooth them. This baby was…cooing.

Curious, Jareth swaggered forward to claim his prize. In order to get to the other side of the room, he had to tiptoe between various toys. It didn't bother him initially but then he began to notice little telltale signs of unusual activity. Scattered among the different types of toys were little tubes of lip gloss, teen magazines and….training bras? That last one made him smile but the other details made him uneasy. His sense of foreboding increased the closer he got to the cot where the baby was still cooing softly…almost mechanically.

After what felt like an eternity of wading through toys he reached his destination. His hand shook visibly as he reached for the blanket that engulfed the suspiciously happy child. He took a deep breath to calm himself. _You're being ridiculous Jareth, pull yourself together man! _With that thought he whipped away the blanket and revealed…a plastic doll and a voice box?

_Oh shit._

It all made sense now-the babysitters absence, the eerie cooing, the girly items scattered across the floor. The one thing that would confirm his fears was missing though. He sighed in relief. About two seconds too late he realized that there was a book wedged behind the "baby's" pillow. He reached for it hesitantly and let out a scream of horror as the novel fell from his gloved grip.

_It's a trap._

"Fan girls," he croaked in fear before he made a dash for the still-open window. Behind him he heard the door being opened and before he could transform into owl form he was ensnared in a net of silver. He fell unconscious, the sound of girlish giggling ringing in his ears.

OOOoooOOOoooOOO

"Omigawd, he's waking up!"

"He's soooo cute!"

"His hair is so soft!"

"Squuuuueeeeeee!"

The last exclamation was what woke him fully. It was such a high-pitched sound that he was surprised all the glass in the window hadn't shattered instantly.

He opened his eyes and his captors came into focus after a few seconds of uncertain fuzziness.

He was enclosed in a net made of silver. He couldn't break through and escape because he wasn't strong enough. It was times like these that he cursed his Fae blood and his susceptibility to silver. Despite the fact that he was outnumbered and at a serious disadvantage, he tried to regain control.

"Ladies, which one of you is the leader and more importantly, what do you want from me?!"

The youngest girl stepped forward. He looked her up and down trying to discern if she was the true leader. He had already made one foolish mistake this evening, he wasn't going to fall for a scapegoat leader.

Once he was finished scrutinizing her, he came to the conclusion that she really was the one in charge. As the youngest fan girl she was the most immature, the most ridiculous and the most impressionable. He doubted that any of the followers would be stupid enough to kidnap the King of Nightmares. She would have persuaded them with her senseless enthusiasm. Her blond pigtails jiggled as she bounced up and down in excitement.

"Your British accent is hawt!!! Just like Rob Pattinson! Squueeee!" she crooned.

A chorus of "Squuueeeeee's" sounded from her followers in reaction to her statement.

He clenched his eyes shut in pain and frustration. If they didn't stop his eardrums would burst.

"SILENCE! How dare you compare me to that pretty boy! I am Jareth, Ruler of the Underground! Do not speak to me in such a way!"

"Wow!" one of the followers observed, "his make-up doesn't get runny, even when he's seething with rage!"

Another chorus rang out except this time it was an echo of "wow".

"How do you sparkle like Edward even when it's not daytime?" another follower asked.

"This is glitter you imbecile! My skin doesn't sparkle, I'm not some wannabee vampire! This is special sexy Fae goblin glitter, thank you very much," he huffed.

"Oooooh! That reminds me!" the leader exclaimed as she ducked down to retrieve something off the floor.

"NOOOOOO!" Jareth screeched in horror. So far the torture had been terrible but bearable. If this girl made him read from that book he would surely die.

"_Twilight, _chapter 13. _Confessions,_ we want you to read it to us. It's the whole reason we summoned you here in the first place!"

"Yay, story time!" they chanted in an unanimous singsong voice.

Jareth felt physically sick. This was too much. He'd rather be thrown into the Bog of Eternal Stench than read an excerpt from that sad excuse for literature.

"No!" he pouted.

"Please Jareth! Pretty please with sugar on top! Your crisp British accent is the only voice that will do this justice! We were gonna kidnap R-Patz but he took a restraining order out against all four of us so you were our only choice!"

He had been kidnapped and tortured by four crazy fan girls and he wasn't even their _first_ choice?! Something snapped within him. He spat in the girl's face as an act of defiance.

Instead of enraging her, she just giggled.

He rolled his eyes. This was getting tiring. Deep down he knew he had no choice but to give in. Then he could return to the Underground and forget about the whole affair.

"You'll let me go if I do this?"

"Of course silly! What do you think we are? Monsters?"

He sighed and beckoned for her to pass him the dreaded book. Instead of dancing around the task at hand he decided to bite the bullet- he opened the book and started to read.

"_Edward in the sunlight was shocking. I couldn't get used to it, though I'd been staring at him all afternoon. _God, get a hobby!" he interjected.

He was rewarded for his audio commentary by receiving a smack to the head.

"Owww!"

He continued to read and didn't add any of his own thoughts.

After what seemed like an eternity, he closed the book and tossed it to the opposite side of the room. There was a loud thud before it slid to the floor.

All around him the girls were wiping away tears and snivelling.

"It's just so beautiful….God why can't all men be like Edward?"

_Because then there wouldn't be any straight men left. _Jareth smirked at his own joke.

The leader took a break from her weeping to cut him down from the net. He dropped to the ground not-so-gracefully and hoped that he hadn't damaged any of his magnificent package. He really should have it insured.

He stood and was about to threaten the fan girls before he noticed what a truly pathetic state they were in. They wouldn't hear him even if he bellowed.

He decided that he would fly to the nearest bar and get completely pissed off his head. He still had the taste of _Twilight _in his mouth and the letters were still branded in his brain.

With that in mind, he swooped out into the cool, night air and tried to forget the events of the evening.

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**Hope you all enjoyed!=)**


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